A few weeks ago, a lovely friend unexpectedly brought me a cake. Why, you ask? Because I drove her kids home from school twice that week. If I brought my friends a cake each time they helped with my kids, I could keep every bakery in Boston in business!
Please don’t think poorly of me and assume that I am unappreciative of my friend’s thoughtful gesture; my friend is truly one of the kindest people on the planet and I know that she genuinely wanted to thank me for helping her during a tough week. But here’s the thing: (1) I really like her kids, (2) I’m genuinely happy to help her, (3) I pass by her house on the way home so it couldn’t be any easier and (4) helping her makes me feel better about the gazillion times I’ve enlisted her help getting my kids home.
As we juggle the responsibilities of our busy personal and professional lives, it’s nearly impossible to “go it alone.” And yet, we are often reluctant to ask for help. So, to encourage all of us to think about this differently, I want to share my perspective…
When you ask me to bring your kids home, it makes me feel better about the countless times I’ve sent a frantic, last-minute group text asking if someone can get my child to the birthday party. It makes me feel less guilty about the times when my unexpected travel results in everyone rearranging the soccer carpool. It makes me feel better about the early morning meetings that massively jumble my family’s schedule.
When you ask me to take your kids home, I’m reassured that I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like a hot mess trying to navigate a busy life. And it’s good to be reminded that even on those days when I’m worried about disappointing my family or friends, I can come through for someone else who is hanging on by a thread.
Accomplishing big goals is much easier when we have each other’s backs. This is true whether you are single or married and whether you have twenty children or none. However, if you have twenty kids and I manage to bring them all home, you should definitely bring me a cake.
Lisa Chiquiar-Rabinovich
Great essay Faun, you take the cake! So funny because I JUST had this same thing happen over the weekend and had the same thing said to me. She told me “Come on!, All these moms you think have it all together: work, kids, gym, laundry? you think they don’t have someone helping them out?” I also have to remember that we are human, not machines and it’s really a survival skill to know when and how to ask for help. Thank you for this great piece!
Faun Zarge
Thanks so much, Lisa. I’m glad to know that this resonated with you!